Going Where Priorities Take You.

in ecotrain •  10 months ago  (edited)

Everybody has priorities in life which guide their choices. These priorities will change as you grow and circumstances change. Sometimes we are the drivers of our circumstance changes and sometimes we don't get a choice on how or when they change.

Family has always been a priority for me. When I was young it was my parents and older sister who were the most important. They were my carers, protectors and guides, so it made sense to put them first. I was taught that family is always there for you so love should be unconditional and I took that to heart. The family dynamic changed a little when my sister fell pregnant at 16 and moved out of the family home. We still tried to support her as best we could, though.

When I met the man who was to become my husband, my priorities gradually moved over to put him at the top. We put our resources together and got a house, which turned my priorities even more towards him and our lives together. For nearly four years I thought that it would be just us to the end of our lives, but he surprised me with a change of heart and decided that he wanted children.

Soon two new priorities came into our lives. I stopped working in order to raise my girls. Finances were tight, but I was never going to be one to not be there for them as they grew and learnt. The reason I hadn't wanted children was because I knew that I couldn't not put my all into raising them and I knew how much hard work it had been for my sister raising her son. I wasn’t someone who could dump them on someone else to go out partying. When my children arrived, if any event wasn't somewhere I could take my child, then we wouldn't go. I knew my life would be put on hold once I had children.


My girls and husband are still my priority, although their needs have changed, bringing changes in goals and at times I end up torn between them. With my eldest being 18, my priorities have been focusing on trying to make sure my girls are ready for the adult world and the future, without one losing out because the other is taking all the resources. Yet our priority for our children has meant that my husband has had to take work which takes him away from us. I don't want my daughters starting their adult lives with debts in a climate where very little is certain any more. Yet here is where I really start to question whether my priorities have started to take us down the wrong path. We've never been apart as a family, even when we moved to the other side of the world. We chose for my husband not to go ahead of us to start working and went together. It was a risk, if he couldn't find work straight away, but we took it to keep us together.

Have we started putting the individuals ahead of the family unit? Our daughters are reaching a point where they won't depend on us any more. Perhaps it's necessary that the family unit sacrifices temporarily to make sure they are entering the adult world with the strongest start they can get. At the moment I have to concede that I'm not entirely certain...


This is my response to the @ecotrain question of the week.

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As a kid, grownups were omniscient. I might not understand their reasoning, but I just knew they did.
Now looking back I realise every time I've screwed up big; I was assuming other adults knew what they were doing.

It's a scary day when you suddenly realise your parents aren't perfect. Then you realise that goes for all adults.

1: Realise your parents weren't right about everything.
2: Realise your parents weren't wrong about everything.

Love your take on raising your children, and not dumping them off on someone else to raise. When it was time for @farm-mom and I to start our family, we didn't hesitate when making the decision that she would give up her job and stay home to raise our children. This decision would have her taking on even more responsibilities that would require hours and hours of overtime, motherhood.
With little feet pattering all over the place and 4 additional mouths to feed, she worked harder than myself, as she was always on call.
Money was tight, but as we look back we realized all of those sacrifices were well worth the efforts.
They grow up so quick and before you know it they are moving out. to have spent so much time with them during their formative years has paid off in spades.
You guys did it RIGHT, at least in my opinion @minismallholding

I think the moving out bit which is looming behind us is the scariest part yet! Financially this is also looking like the hardest time too, with so much uncertainty in the job market.

Having the children leave the nest was sad and just a little scary. The scariest thing was when our children first got their license to drive, now that was scary.

Oh yes, my eldest has her license! Youngest is currently learning. My eldest is the scariest; over confident.

Mothers work really really hard! Nice to recognize that @thebigsweed. Not many men out there see that. It's a tough job!

Not only do most men not realize just how hard the other half work, men in general could not do the job that women do.............

true true

family family family, yes yes yes '=_)! it must be challenging making hard decisions to protect the family.. my two cents is that if it keeps you all together then its probably a good thing.. WE never know what tomorrow will bring! Sounds like you are making it work!! <3

I think it's a natural instinct to want to protect your family and community, so I guess it's not surprising it's high on many people's priorities. You often wonder if you're doing right by everyone though.

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Ah yes family's unconditional love! It it a great driving force for many. That was a beautiful answer, you have been so dedicated to them and it will show up in your girls for sure. Keep trusting them and they will be fine as they go into the adult world.

they will be fine, but will we? 😅

good point!