Silly Old Fool

in family •  4 months ago  (edited)

When my dad died he left me one of these. Unlike mine though, his wasn't filled with the 6 stickers required for a free coffee. And then I saw the date on the card and stickers, most of them had expired.




We had fallen out a few years previously, not in any kind of shouting match but he was fairly adamant that he wanted me to change my surname back to his, so my daughter would have his surname. My mother had legally changed my surname to hers as he wasn't paying his obligatory child maintenance, my qualifications and document history was therefore tied to my mothers surname quiet early on. That was the first issue, and along with me thinking 'what's the point, i'm still your son', the bigger issue would be to try to persuade my child's mother that this was a good idea.

Considering we were, and still are, barely on speaking terms (that's better than it sounds these days as my daughter has a phone and is old enough to arrange plans herself) suggesting that our daughter change her surname to one that was neither of ours was not going to met with any kind of positive response.

I had tried to explain this to him but he wasn't having any of it. And so when he died suddenly, and frustratingly (still) for me just a few days before I was going to visit, this unsettled disagreement became one of the last conversations he and I ever had.

It wasn't long after his passing, although years before we actually buried him as he'd offered his knackered body over to medical research so they could take a look at the lungs of an 80 year old who'd smoked for 70 years or something, that I found out his Will had been arranged so that I (and all other children bar one) received nothing. This wasn't his original plan and I'm fairly sure that this disagreement was one of the main reasons his Will changed before his death.

As I write about it today, I'm not as beat up about it as I was five years ago and I'm smiling as I tell parts of the story. The sibling who received '
everything did have something for me, and as she handed me his wallet said 'he wanted me to give this to you'. It probably took me about 20 seconds to realise that this was his final laugh from the grave, touche old man, touche.

Inside was his driving licence, a library pass, contacts for doctors, a couple of receipts, and a card similar to the above. The wallet was usable (and probably better looking than the one I've had for 10+ years now), but after a short time I decided to throw the lot away - no good memories there.

It does feel harsh being 'cut' like that. I don't remember a time I ever pissed my dad off enough to give me a slap or even shout at me. I'd gone to school and university, listened intently to his sometimes boring and sometimes off the wall stories of his past, and generally thought there was enough there to overlook one disagreement. Apparently not.

Anyway, I'd like to think that I'll be leaving my daughter something more than an empty wallet (best make sure it's not just these Steem keys then!), and more importantly, not to leave her with a disagreement which would revolve around her mind for years to come. I'm confident though that if she has children, I'm not going to be upset about what their names end up being.


Back to the pies tomorrow then?


Or we can talk about:


I'm good with whatever :)

Cheers

Asher

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Sorry to hear your relationship with your Dad wasn't the best. Sounds like a super petty thing to do. I'm sure you see the humour in it now - that's some thing to get over. Even if your relationship was estranged, he's still a parent and the roots go deep.

Clearly he wanted some kind of immortality through his surname as he approached death - but as you know, that stuff doesn't matter a jot. When my son was born I was pretty feminist about it (plus I wasn't with the Dad, who was a pushover anyway) and gave him my surname. When I met and married my husband, I decided I'd take his name (love does that to you) and eventually we thought it'd be easier and a show of unity if my son took his stepfather's last name. It made me feel a bit funny and I rang and asked Dad, who shouted down the line at me. How dare I rid his grandson of the family name!!

Just kidding, he said. Why would I care??

Lol. Dickhead - (that's an Aussie affectionate name, btw - my English husband was mortally wounded when I called him that once for drunkenly speaking to me in terrible French)

He ended up with my husband's last name, and his biological father's last name as his middle name which was nice. Now Dad's getting to that end of his life I feel kinda sad that that name dies with him. But then my husband's name dies with him too coz he or his sister didn't have kids. Who the fuck cares though really? It's just an ego label thing. We are all just dust.

Go you with the big power up. There's an inheritance right there!! The point is making sure the keys are maybe on your will so that she can access the gazillions.

Clearly he wanted some kind of immortality through his surname as he approached death - but as you know, that stuff doesn't matter a jot.

Right, not a jot, and I thought in earlier years he thought this way too.

Thanks for sharing your life :)

'Dickhead' works affectionately for me too and I'm surprised the ended up so butt-hurt about it!

With my dad, his surname is continued through a half-brother and maybe through a half-sister or two (one of which told him she'd be keeping his name - yep, the one with the wallet ).

It's a label for me, surely blood runs deeper.

STEEM inheritance, at present it's looking a bit poop but I have hope :)

Aw. That's very sad. I'm sorry. Even if you are over it now. Sending you a big hug. 💙

So does that mean you bought 5000 Steem earlier? I bought 352 but haven't powered it up yet.

Hope you're having a relaxing evening and you're not aching too much.

I started the stair sets today but 10 was to much. After 5 sets my heart was going like the clappers so I'll stick at that for a while. Then slowly work up. 😁

Then slowly work up

Yep, half the deal with stairs :D

Most of it is from Steem Engine earnings that i was saving, but seeing as STEEM looking to be going nowhere soon I thought bugger it!

The story was supposed to be a bit lighter than it ended up, it's in the past and I'm not bitter any more - just makes me laugh whilst shaking my head! Thanks Gillian :)

Bloody hell if those are your Steem Engine earnings I really need to get on top of that stuff. I've had "reread Asher's posts" on my todo list ever since you wrote them but just never seem to get around it.

Maybe next week . . . 😁

Honestly, I'm not that confident in most of them and they have lost a lot of value.

If you have a sports related post though, even from a time at school, then I would love to read that and make sure it got some votes :)

If I stick to my stair climbing I could maybe post about that. It will be a long time before there's anything interesting to say though. 😁

Are you still upvoting all the tokens you were when you first created the alternative accounts?

I seem to remember it was taking loads of time even before you got a "proper" job!

Stick with it, and when you get good maybe hold something like a tin of beans :)

Are you still upvoting all the tokens you were when you first created the alternative accounts?

Yes I am. Quite a lot of automation and skim reading going on!

It would have been a nice gesture if your sister had shared the inheritance equally amongst all her siblings 💭

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Actually, after some persuasion, she did share a little which was kind of her. That didn't remove any of the lump in my throat at the time though.

It’s a difficult enough time losing a parent even without inheritance issues to dwell on. Favouritism of one child is hugely damaging to the others 💭

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Yes things should be as smooth as possible for all still around. I've not been in touch with most of my siblings for a little while but things are OK.

Yeah I wondered that one too...

Parents! Love 'em or hate 'em, you just can't like 'em;)

I like my mum!

Hi Mum!

One out of two ain't bad!

Most of us regret times when we are put in a position where bad feelings are a result, especially after the person was close to us and even if they weren’t that nice themselves.

Your father had other children so why was he so adamant to have your daughter have his family name? Perhaps he was just cantankerous that day and took it out on you. Anyway that is water under the bridge now.

I’m sorry the last meeting with your father was unpleasant . You would be surprised how often this happens. 🤗

Thanks for the comment @redheadpei.

An eternally unresolved disagreement that one person has to bear is not ideal, and as you say, it definitely isn't just me.

Your father had other children so why was he so adamant to have our daughter have his family name?

Yeah, there are others and a half-brother who will continue the name, although this far they are yet to bring that into action. Cheers :)

Interesting story, sad but also uplifting because you won't perpetuate the hubris your father showed.

I think that's the thing with human behaviour; We can learn from good or bad examples, then make a choice whether to perpetuate either, or to make changes and be better versions of ourselves.

Life is a fairly fleeting thing and I've seen a lot of death close up...It's final, as are the actions one takes in life if left too late before redressing.

Now, get a pie into ya...

Thanks for checking in :)

Yeah I will absolutely try my best not to follow in these particular footsteps.

No pie for me today, or in the foreseeable future - I've been doing great on porridge and couscous this week! Rock n roll :)

You're welcome.

Been working on an entry post for the sports thing...The injury one...I kind of suck at these things but figured I'd give it a go. Will give me something to do this Friday evening.

Have a good weekend.

Geez that's fucking brutal man. I am glad you can look at it and kinda get a bit of a chuckle now but that totally sucks. My biological sperm donor is a total scuzbucket that I haven't seen in over 32 years. My stepdad is my dad and we have a killer relationship so I am thankful for that.

Let's hope all of our Steem wallets ae a worth inheritance for our kids...lol

A bit of a kick in the nuts but life does dish out these blows from time to time eh.

Good to hear you've got a solid father-figure around.

Let's hope all of our Steem wallets are a worth inheritance for our kids.

This would be rather awesome :)

Ah, fuck the pies!! What a read. I am sorry to hear about all that with your dad. It's just mental that people can be so funny with their children. My missus's mum hasnt spoken to her for three years over the most innocuous of things. We can but hope all our wallets might be worth something to our little uns in the future !:OD

Cheers Boomy. It is a crock of shite, do we all go mental in our old age? I hope not, as much as I hope these budgling wallets are worth more than 5 stamps on a Maccy D's coffee :O :D !

I think we all go bit mental but hopefully with a bit of foresight we can avoid such nonsense!

We might be lucky if they are worth that much, lol!! Good show on the power up btw!

Hopefully!

Going the opposite direction at present but I always have hope, or perhaps going a bit mental already.

Yeah it was sitting in savings doing nothing so I thought why not!

I am going to take it as a karmic signal that this time things are really getting ready to turn!!

The low is in!

The best chart I have ever seen!

Woops, cropped it too much......

I kinda knew I loved my father, we had only rare phone calls but that is something in our family : we are not closed in space, but always loving each others...The day he died 5 years ago, I knew with certainty my life would never be the same as I would never see him again...that's odd, I rarely saw him so it should not make a big difference, but in fact it makes all the difference, because you can choose to meet or not meet, and one day you have no more chance nor opportunities to see him...and then I knew I love him so much that I had to put some distance between him and the worry I had for him...
Now I'm sort of at peace with that, even if it took long, I can still love him and not worry about him, feeling deeply he is in peace and feeling its presence with me when I need it 😊

Thank you for your comment Barbara :)

It sounds like my relationship with my father was similar to yours, for the most part at least.

It is really strange, being able to pick up the phone at any time to talk to someone, and then never having that opportunity again. Something taken for granted until it is gone.

Thanks again, have a lovely weekend :)

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