Pandemic, Crisis – this is one of the most crucial time when humanity is both challenged to its best and reveling its can of worms.
Sometimes it is not harsh conditions of the home (as hygiene wise), or the lack of a place to shelter oneself; sometimes… even if you have a roof over your head, but there’s a constant threat to self-security and sanity with no cornerstone in one’s heart, no one is able to stand on such sandy ground with no foundation, and can still persevere.
Today something has brought to my attention. The most grey-lined topic that is usually overlooked: Domestic violence
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When we think of domestic violence, even by law, the first thing that comes into our minds are: bruised face or body; but even with a bruised physical shell, it is still more bearable than a bruised broken mind.
Let me share with you a story I heard that sometimes provokes your heart to think: Where is the borderline of domestic violence? How did that start and how did it end to such a state?
Once upon a time...
There was a family, who has been in the eyes of the nation, a happy family and a successful one – with smiles, achievements, wealth, and a roof they called home.
But this family didn’t start well; they went through turmoil before when the children were little. Father was caught fraudulent act and was sentenced to jail-time; mother was left to tackle the home, left her most secure government job and started building her entrepreneur career to keep the family afloat. When the father served his time and finally were out bankrupted, the mother took him back and he became her helper in her career climbing to success – and she did.
Most of us when we read till this line would have thought that this could have a happy ending, isn’t it? The father sinned but repented, and made amends and the family is whole again; the end.
So did I.
The story unfolded further when the mother became successful, she left her past the rough life behind and move forward; did not remain humble. Fame and power distracted herself from her children. Children who grew up looking successful got whatever they wanted, yet broken marriages were not spared – although new lives were forged again.
However the father – who did not have a single cent in his account still had all his needs met; children and wife provided all his material needs, and as a helper’s position he gets to travel nationwide with his wife hoping on her success in her career.
Until – something happened.
This father – became very ill, stubborn from seeking medical assistance and chose to stick with acupuncture found out he had stage 4 cancer; and his wife did whatever she could with all she could have mustered from her savings to save his life, even with her children’s recommendations. After surviving 2 surgeries and finally home with a forever colostomy condition, started realizing his enjoyment days were over because his wife gave up her career to take care of him. From recovering stage to anxiety to shouting at her because things are not the same; and whenever the mother feels pressured by his taunted words she sought for her children’s help, she found herself in the mercy of her son, now demanding every single provision he brings over, she must pay for it.
Her daughter tried to provide when the mother plead for assistance without asking anything back, but when her new husband realized that the mother still had some savings, became equally dejected that why the mother is relying on the daughter’s financial assistance, while the brother gets to “be paid” for all the grocery runs and “reimbursed” from most of the supplements and remedies he recommended.
Now the father’s condition became worse. The doctor started to realise his brain shrunk – and diagnosed him as dementia. Day and night when he’s awake and well fed he taunted her that she’s a stranger. Things went worse and the mother had to sell off their car because she doesn’t drive and the doctor advised not to allow the father to drive anymore; and when the father realized the car (belonged to the mother) has been sold off with no keys, day and night he started shouting he wants to get out of the house as he no longer recognizes the woman he stays with and he started running out of the house trying to look for the son’s home whenever his wife mentioned the car has been sold.
When the mother, who not only taunted by twice was pushed to the ground and smacked by umbrellas by the father, limped and called for help to her son (first) then tried to call for her daughter to help when the father went missing the first time. Her daughter and son-in-law found the father first and when everything was settled, the son came by and the mother with neighbor’s witness with foul words and threatened to “teach her a lesson”.
When the father after coming home tried to beat the mother up for not allowing to him to leave the house the mother called for the police to help, the daughter in law came, the police came, the social worker came, and the father said “the woman in the house is not his wife and she’s mad.”
The mother, seeing all this chaos happened and kneeled to pray to God to take her out of misery, the daughter in law called out to her saying, “why are you worshipping me? I am not dead yet.”
When all these things happened, neighbors and friends suggested both these seniors need professional attention, especially the father, and suggested a nursing home for him until he recovers. The daughter agreed to be a financial joint responsibility but the son refused to budge. Threatening further if the mother ever send the father to a nursing home to nurse, bad things will happen.
Now, the father who recently spotted where the gate keys were kept, once again successfully got out of the house, running off trying to find the son’s house, while the mother’s knee, still yet fully recovered and unable to chase after him, decided to call the son again for help (because she thinks the father’s trying to find the son’s house). In despair the son delivered harsh words and refused to believe the father willingly ran out of the house himself; that the mother has found ways to force the father to be angry enough to leave the house in order to be sent to nursing home, and the son demands the names and numbers of the friends and relatives who suggested a professional care and he “will make them pay”, calling the mother a liar and “god will judge liars and evil people”.
Finally found the father and finally home, this poor woman has no proof to show that her husband’s weird attitudes, unable to find an opportunity to place CCTV in common area (where her husband “manifests at odd hours in the morning” to be sure that she’s not going insane herself; and when her son calls the conversation seemed to ended him stating she’s heartless for not helping him in his career growth and wanted her to pay up all the supplements he has sent before to both the father and mother.
The only thing that still keeps her breathing and standing still – is Jesus.
Yes. Domestic violence doesn’t have to be physical, mental meltdown is very real, and the pandemic lockdown has just revealed those who do not guard their hearts with no reverence of anything (including nature) but themselves, will eventually succumb to implodes and outburst with ungratefulness.
And do you believe in generational curse ? I used to not to believe it but when I was saved and understood what happened to my family and finally once and for all my family curse is broken by Jesus, I can see clearer this vicious cycle of imploding triggered by beholding self is also real.
Because the story of this family, started from the father’s father, the first generation, started to beat his wife when he was not living the life he wanted; pleaded for financial aid when he was old and was rejected by his own son – and this son the second generation, who also decided to try to beat his wife whenever he can now when his life turns upside down; when he wants to go to his own son, his own son (3rd generation) now turns against the mother… and as long as there is no divine intervention breaking this curse, the same thing could happen because the 4th generation now wants out however he can.
Let this be a reminder to all of us, that crisis can kill us starting from our within when we are disgruntled that things never goes our wanted way.
Don’t ever let circumstances overthrow and suck the very life that lives in you.
You are a miracle of life the day you were born; but never let that sink in you so much that you totally forego mercy and humanity.
Do good once a while. It can relief you from being self-consumed.
Have reverence towards God for He is good, and for evil is real. It keeps you alert from falling into the pits for deranged darkness.
Everyone has their humble beginnings, never forget that.
Note: Story heard is not fictional
Thank You for Your Time
Thank You for Your Time