It's Time To Tell

in life •  5 months ago 


This is going to be hard.

I sighed to myself in the bathroom mirror. I had been bottling it up too long. It was time the Good Lady knew the truth.

The real truth.

We had been together a long time, she and I.

No secrets we had always said. Relationships are hard enough without secrets burning a hole through them.

Slowly, I made my way downstairs. It would be a lie to say that my heart wasn't heavy with the task that now lay ahead.


But she had to know the truth. She deserved to know.

It was a dark and troubling secret and it had burdened me for too long now. It would be a relief to be free of it.

I wondered what she would think. She could be a fiery one. What if she tried to fight me? Would I have to put her down like a dog?

These thoughts and more plagued me as I went down the stairs to the lounge.

On entering, I could see that the Good Lady knew something was amiss.

Daddy-Bear, you ok? You look weird?

She said, beginning to rise from her seat.


I motioned her to remain seated and flumped down across from her.

Listen, lass. We have to talk.

I said heavily.

Oh God, what is it? Is it serious??!

The Good Lady looked panicked as if I were about to impart something terrible. Something that perhaps might change everything. Perhaps she saw our little family, torn apart and her living in a cardboard box with a flea-bitten dog called Simon.

Oh well. Here goes.

Baby-cheeks, I'm sorry, there is no easy way to say this. You know that cheaper toilet paper you bought that you think is amazing and saving us a fortune? It's not amazing. In fact, it's shit. I hate it.

The Good Lady made to speak but I silenced her with an upraised hand.

I know. I know. This is upsetting for you.

I stood and took a step toward her and clasped her hand.

I know it. But my fingers keep poking through it. It's a nightmare. On every toilet visit I end up with choc-fudge-fingers. It's no way for a man like me to live?!

I gesticulated toward the unseen toilet Gods in the sky.

I want to go back to the way it was before?!

I cried in anguish.

Can we?

I half asked, half begged.

Alright, Daddy-Bear. Don't get your knickers in a twist. We will go back to the more expensive good stuff. I didn't like the new stuff much either.

She looked at me and smiled.

I smiled too. Maybe just maybe, we could get through this.

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  ·  5 months ago Reveal Comment

This is wicked!
I love it, the serious tone and the confrontation and then the lights come on.

Hehe, cheers dude!! I like to twist things!

"choc-fudge-fingers" 😂😂😂

Posted using Partiko Android

No one wants them! :0D

Wow, that crisis was narrowly averted. You like living on the edge, don't you!?!

I'm a crazy man. I live every day like it's my last!!!! :0D

Lol, as you should!

I am thinking of changing my name to Maverick!!

Aha! Written so well, I was wondering what it was about until the end :) Made me smile as well! Glad you will get through this, not even an expensive brand of toilet paper should have the power to destroy a relationship, right? :)

Hehe, exactly. Such things should never impinge upon love!!! :0)

Remeber the tracing paper like shit-roll at school, that was awful!

I find you want somewhere between too fluffy and too grease-proof and usually opt for the middle of the road stuff.

Crisis averted.

(I hope you double-washed before taking the good ladies hand)

Oh man, I had forgotten about that!! It was almost impossible to actually use!!

If it ain't quilts it ain't good for me!! :0D

And the washing, oh yes .. they call me clean hand Luke!!

Quilted sounds nice but over the top fluffy is too much! I'd rather have that than the tracing paper though, it didn't even flush well!

I think they could have used it for roofing and other waterproofing activities!!!

Hey Boomy long time no see...I come back and your having TP poor baby...did you get her to kiss it and make it all better I wonder?

upvoted and resteemed!

Hola chick!! Long time no see!! Yes indeed, I am still bouncing around from one crisis to another, hehe!!

This sounds a bit like a modern version of ring-tilting ...

Well, I guess I'm off to Google for that one then!

Hehe, yes, I think it is!

As someone who has travelled a lot in less developed (are we allowed to say that still?) countries, I have a theory about toilet paper. I swear, there's a direct correlation between GDP and toilet paper. The richer the country, the better it is.

You could be right, I suppose it is one of those frivolous luxuries!! Maybe that's why I stay living in Britain!

Hahahaha - yes some thing are just not worth saving money on

On that I agree 💯%!!!!!

See now for me the roles would be reversed. If there is a way to save a nickle, I am all for it - holes and all :D

I am like that in many ways but in some there is no compromise!!!!

I am like that in
Many ways but in some there
Is no compromise!!!!

                 - meesterboom

I'm a bot. I detect haiku.

That's why... mum's shouldn't go to Iceland... for the loo role 🤣

A nice cheese cake maybe... but never the loo role!

A nice cheese cake is a fine example of what is right to buy but all their tawdry lol rolls, never!!!

I heard they use the old grease proof paper in the Iceland loo role mix.

That's the stuff @abh12345's childhood nightmares are made of!!!!!

Eeeewww. My missis for the stuff from Lidl, she swore it was just as good. I'm like waaaah, no!!!

Choc-Fudge, thank you for that vivid imagery... 😵🤣

It is quite vivid!!! Lolz :0D

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Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of BEER from @eii for you. Enjoy it!

Well least you tried, if it had been decent then you would have been saving a lot XD

On that note, if there is such a thing as good cheap toilet paper I'd like to know about it.

That's pretty much what the missus said about trying it. Could have been a winner! The hunt goes on... :0D