Ten Pints

in life •  8 months ago 


Ten pints. Ten pints or you're a fanny.

Exclaimed Fenton-The-Cat-Smuggler.

I beg your pardon?

I replied primly as if I were a school teacher who had just picked up a handkerchief smelling of hot fish yoghurt from the floor of her son's bedroom.

Fenton-The-Cat-Smuggler looked at me witheringly.

Ten pints, man. Anything less and you are a fucking LOSER!

He high-fived Gonk, an unfortunately-haired Java developer to his side.


He yodeled victoriously, puffing his chest out as if it was time to get the top off and start rubbing vaseline into his nipples with his male compadres.

Ten pints!

Chortled Gonk his head wobbling back and forth as if his spine were severed.


So are you in, BoomDawg. Can you take it? Are you man enough?

Fenton-The-Cat-Smuggler faced me challengingly like he were a bull and I were a greased mitten tied to a post.

Am I man enough? For what, ten pints?

I asked raising an eyebrow.

Aye, ten pints. On the night out. The challenge is on! This is how the men DO IT!

Fenton-The-Cat-Smuggler roared and slapped Gonk on his side shoulder almost causing him to ejaculate with the manly Broham-ness of it all.

You are both going to drink ten pints on the night out?

I asked looking puzzled.

Aye, at least!

Gonk decided to chip in.

So, come on then. Are you man enough. Are you going to be a ten pinter?

Fenton-The-Cat-Smuggler looked around him, shaking his head as if he already knew the answer and that answer was going to be no.


I don't know guys. I mean think of the state of you at the end up, your knees all chapped and sore, eyes all bloodshot, hair all matted with jizzum..?

I sighed.

I just don't feel that kind of behaviour is my bag.

I finished, nodding regretfully at my lack of mannity.

Fenton-The-Cat-Smuggler threw his head back and made to roar victoriously at calling the good ship BoomDawg out.

Then he snapped his gaze back to me, eyebrows furrowed.

Hey, what do you mean, __'hair all matted with fucking jizzum!?!'

He barked.

You know, if you suck off that many dudes, you are probably gonna get some spillage. You'll end up all matted and caked in it. Ten pints is a lot. In fact, I don't think it's possible to suck that many guys off unless you hit lucky with some half pinters?

I shrugged.

Gonk's eyes widened with horror and he started making gagging noises. Fenton-The-Cat-Smuggler staggered back as if the first half-pinter had just let loose a load at him.

I don't mean spunk, you cheeky BASTARD!? BEER! WE MEAN BEER!? Ten pints of BEER!??

His face contorted with indignation like a moustachioed lady-juggler.

Oh, you mean beer?

I winked and started walking away, calling merrily over my shoulder.

Lol. Yeah, of course you do...

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As long as the ten pints are not what I'm drinking right now! IMG_20191205_135755.jpg

Which was the one you had by them? This 11.5%, holy Mary, and unbelievable good. Would not be able to tell by the taste it was an imperial!

Oh my, that looks awesome!! The one I had was the barrel aged, or double barrel aged Grand Cuvee which was awesome too! I am a fan of the brewery! I will keep an eye out for that one! I love a strong beer!

Oh, it's so awesome. Halfway through the second one and I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD! lolll!Definitely keep an eye out, it is hands down my favorite Imperial stout (although I'll have to let you know tomorrow how bad it hurts the next day haha!)

Just to show even more how dark it is, there's a black label on that glass: IMG_20191205_151914.jpg

Oooo, it's dark alright!!!

I will be asking if the Bear-Man can get me it!!!

And aye, please report back in the morn!! Lol

I'm on top of the world!!

Wayhay, top of the world is the only place to be!!! :0D

You would be a bit concerned if your man juice was that colour!

What a fine looking beer!

Yes, I'd be concerned...especially since I'm a woman LMAO!! But if my man's juice was that color, even though I'm not a believer in modern medicine I would still be packing him off in an ambulance hahahaaa!


Hey it works both ways - to the ambulance!

🤣😁 And this is why I still love steemit! LOL, you rock!


We are a close-knit community of ale-swigging reprobates who love this 11 cent coin!

Hahaha!!! Hell yes! I know I've come across you before,(maybe here, maybe @canadian-coconut, maybe @nonameslefttouse, maybe @therealpaul, maybe @frot?) glad to come across you again! 😘

You are all these people too!? 😁

I think we both have a 3 year badge and with the numbers right now I’m sure we’ll meet again soon enough.

Do they not know you very well or are you much tamer in meatspace than on here? XD

Hehe, they just get narked beccause I refuse to conform to the massive pints of beer mantype and instead drink everything. I cant be arsed going to the toilets every eight minutes to evacuate all the pints, lol!!

@meesterboom, Cover picture is so funny brother. 😁😁

It made me laugh 😂.

Have a great time ahead and stay blessed.

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I make a good giraffe, cheers dude! Have a good one yourself! :0)

Thank you. 🙂

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The boys that still think they need to proof they are men by the amount they drink......

Hehe, it's exactly like that. All the talks of how many drinks will be drunk and dragons will be slain are flying about like mad but half of them can't drink more than two without becoming mad liabilities!

for @meesterboom

Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of BEER from @eii for you. Enjoy it!

Slam dunk Boom-dog!

Ten pints of session ale at 3.6% is possible but if they go premium lager (with a cheeky double vodka slipped into the 4th) it’s going to be a messy one!

They are traditionally very messy!! Last year we got thrown out a pub. Lol. I am going to be urbane and drink beer, whisky, espresso martinis and possibly wine!!!

The deadly quadruple! Will history repeat!?

I can but fucking hope, last year was smashing! Missus wasn't pleased but I enjoyed myself!

Life goals! I have 8 days to form a plan of action - to the beers!

8 days! That's magic. Plenty of time! Beers ahoy!

  ·  8 months ago Reveal Comment