Planning to marry is not on the table even though I would reach all my goals and have extra money I might not even consider it. Well for one reason it is too late for my age although my grandfather remarried at the age of 60 or something like that because my grandmother in the mother side of the family died many, many years ago before he remarried.
If for instance I would maybe marry today then I will be too old to see my children grow up plus I do not think that I am mentally or would be mentally fit for that commitment. But in reality I would not want to share my bad fate to someone that I love because it is demoralizing and hard to accept what happened to my life.
So I am glad that I din't marry and would cause others some hard times including maybe the obligation of a man for a woman is affected, what a terrible scenario would it be. So I am better off alone and not sharing my ill-fated life to someone and cause them grief and despair.
But in the other hand supposing that I married before this series of unfortunate events happened, the above mentioned scenario would happen but I have someone with me that would support me which would free my parents from having to care for me. That is the only thing that would be good had I married someone supposing that she won't leave me like what happened to some of my other co-dialysis patients whose partners left them because of their illness.
I likened myself to a bird, a bird before it lays its eggs would make its own eggs because it knows that it will have a responsibility to its eggs and later to its young chicks. So for myself I should all be ready financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, and all the lys out there so that my family would be a healthy one that functions likes a family.
But some of the categories are not met already including mentally, emotionally, and also financially although I know I am richer than my siblings. But of course I not suffered this kind of bone condition I would be like normal so the possibility of me marrying would go up if I happen to establish a good income source like a business of some sort.
Marriage was my plan before but now it is no longer my plan, it is not even in my list. I now just concentrate my effort to make my body at least feel normal again without all these pains at least so that I could taste life as a normal person and not like a person in hell.
Although I am not experiencing anything wrong with my heart like chest pain and such, all I just needed is a therapy for my various organs which most had been affected by my Kidney failure a long time ago. It is just something that even though most of my other organs are affected they remain strong and not conking out maybe due to God's grace and mercy on me.
Anyway marriage is not for me, it is not on my fate to marry and have children and because of my terrible health condition I am glad that I didn't marry just to save others to share my own unfortunate condition is enough for me to be happy as my happiness now lies into redeeming and taking myself out and off from these things in my body that makes me cry.